i have to find it...

there is something going on lately and i dont like it. its like the world has turned upside down. i dont kno if im showing signs of depression again, or what but there is something wrong. seriously wrong. its like i cant be happy when im alone. all i seem to think about is johnny and how its the last week of school and that i need to tell him soon or be left in the unknown.and why i cant tell him i like him or ask him if he likes me. and hes just all thats in my head. usually when i think about him, i am happy, but even when im thinking happy thoughts about him, i cant be happy. its like my soul is empty. it sounds extreme and cheesy i know, but theres just something missing. nothing is falling into place right now. but thats not it, well thats the only one i can explain. the rest of it...its just like there is something in the air and its gettin to me. and i kno its getting to justice to. what is it? why is this happening?? everything took a 180 degree turn for hell. its like any happiness is gone from my life now. only when im around people am i happy. i need friends family. makes me realize how important those things are to me. but even then...its like theres something missing. the wierd thing is, is that i dont think im going to find it, i think whent this cloud passes, it will haunt me, like i never tried to figure out. and im not, because i cant. theres nothing wrong, not on the outside at least...its inside. im not good with my inside. but theres gotta be a trigger, i have to find, i need to find. right now, i think that is my only chance at happiness

what is happening?
there is something seriously wrong
it impossible for me to be happy when i am alone
i don't feel strong

there is only one thing i ever think about
it seems the only thing on my mind
i think about what could've been, what still could be
he's the only one that seems worthy of my time

nothing is going right
nothing is falling into its place
has the world turned upside down?
how far has this virus traveled into our subspace

a black mist, swirling inside my head
it has taken control of my soul
what is happening?
why is life such a miserable hellhole?

something...else...has taken control
it taken something of mine, of beauty
but i know i wont't be able to find it
it's going to haunt me

i tried to find it, honestly i did
i searched deep inside
but there is no trigger, no smoking gun
but that is my only chance at happiness on the inside and outside