i dunno

night night wifeyy dont let the rapers in throught the window....haha i dont know why i put that up, but...i dont know!! he sooo likes mr tho!! oh then i put ok...good night hubby

cinema!!!

well last night doan and i went to the mall with doan and jessica. mann jessica was really annoying...she kept asking soo many questions and sayongblack ppl do this and black ppl do that and it was just really annoying. well any way i used doans phone to talk to johnny yesterday and he asked me to go see a movie with him!! yea! :D haha and we've talked like every night for the past week. for a couple hours at a time :) tee-hee and then today a few cadets went to the cemetary to put flags on the soldiers grave. when i got there he gave me a hug first and he was really close to me the whole time. and when we werent doing actually working he was really close to me and flirting with me and stuff. but marissa was ALL over him. i mean like she stuck her hand in his pocket and basically forcing him to hold her hand. but he would walk up behind me and hold MY hand. yeah we were walking away from the cemetary and he was holding my hand( but marissa was holding his hand first, cuz shes soo pushy, but he walked away from her and came over to me to hold my hand) and we were walking really really close like we were going out :) it was awesome. then i got a ride home from MSGhouse and there were five ppl so i ended up sitting on johnnys lap. and he wrapped his arms around me and rested his head on my arm (but marissa was holding his hand again its kind of annoying, not in the jealous sense but more of who forces ppl to hold your hand and makes you give them hugs?? like really?? who is honestly that pushy?? wow shes so annoying.) then i got out and he tickled me. but its okay cuz i know he likes me and he keeps saying shes being annoying so im good. plus theres that one girl madronio and usually hes really close to her and i used to think they liked each other(they did but...not so much anymore) even when he had a gf they would be all over each other, but today he actually chose to hang out with me over her :) yup yup this is sooo awesome. haha

what the hell is wrong with this pic?

marriage is a roller coaster...

dude!!! j-dog!! u should look up this song i think you'd like it. its called Death Whispers a Lullaby by Opeth. it says its metal but, its really slow and smooth.sooo...yea that was basically all i wanted to put up. oh and now whenever johnny IMs me, he calls me wifey. like today he said hey wifey!! and i said hey hubby!! tee-hee look at that we even got nicknames for each other lolz. life is good right now. man doan hasnt updated her blog in a while. gosh this song is soooo good. haha ok buh-bye oh wait thats not how i sign out...peac3

its a race...

oh my gosh...i must really like this guy. i IM'd on facebook and he responded and my heart started to race, and my hand s got really sweaty. i dont even do that around him in person...oh wow this is friken amazing. hehe. he called me hun again :) i said can you plz bring my head phones to school tomorrow? and he said yeahh hun. aaah!!! last time he did that was after he told me he liked me! ohemgeezness!!! yay! he so does like me! yipee! o my gish did i just say yippee?!?! holy shit i did!! oh my gish! gish?? what the hell is wrong with me?!?! uhmmmm....i forgot what i was gunna say...oh yea, maybe now i can write a happy poem...im gunna try...yea!!! im...i dunno...theres nuthin much to write anymore...i hate the doctor on deadliest warrior. well i dont hate him, just his "jokes" arent funny...everything that was inside blah blah BLAH!!! gosh haha i am in a REALLY good mood right now....well i wass....then he mentioned marissa. hes always gotta mention her!!! ok nvm...im in a good mood again, he said she was being annoying. i mean its annoying how he always mentions her, but hes saying shes annoying, so i dunno...hmmm. oh well im almost positive he likes me, so im good. :D lolz...i guess he really wants to talk to me cuz hes always sayin u need texting, ask ur mommie(his spelling) for texting. lolz :) yup im in a really good mood. ughness, i dont wanna stop typing cuz if i do, i gotta get off the computer...i wont cuz im talking to johnny :) but ya kno...tee hee. oh my gish...i think im giddy. i kno right?! giddy...what the hell is wrong with me?! haha...what is the "like" thing on facebook, i dont get it...ooh do you guys watch deadliest warrior?? i think u would like it j-dog...its got alot of the history crap u like. i just like it for the blood and guts :D yummy haha. now im just blabbering...blah blah blah blah...hmmm ima check doans blog real qwik...why havent you updated your blog?!?! i like reading yourss...its soo interesting...lolz seriously though, it is. justice, yours is interesting too, but its to short. oh! ima download mr. brightside real qwik!! eh...nvm...sorry j-dog. ugh my gosh!!! why does he gotta keep bringing up marissa?!?! what the hell. i think some ppl think just cuz were cousins iim obligated to kno stuuff about her and talk about her. like wht the hell is that all im good for?! this is what he said: "why does mills like me so much? like u know it would kill her if i said i was into someone else its like i liked* her but she became weird at the freakin ranch and thxx so much for saving me" what the hell...i dont kno anymore. can you believe that. ten min. ago i was 99 % sure he likes me, now im just like wat the fuck?! why do we always gotta talk about marissa?! ugh!! why the hell does he have to be soo confusing!? doan i agree with you...hes not playing with or he doesnt know he is, but he might as well be. member when i said when were in class i dont kno if he likes me? well today he was really close to me, like when (i apologize now for the relationship referral) ppl are going out and the guys sittin on a table or sumthin and the girl is on a lower surface and there really close. like that kinda. lolz he even gave me a massage, kinda...sounds really creepy right?? haha...watevs...its all a good sign. this is really long and my moms in bed so i guess i can go now. ill update later on the outcome of our convo...peac3

missed calls...

wow, well he actually called me. i didnt think he would, i thought he was just saying it cuz marissa was there, ya know? well anyway...he called, but i missed it. i was outside cleaning my moms damn truck. oh well. i listened to his message...he kept saying you and me alot :D thats a good thing fyi haha...well then doan called. i missed her call too. wats with me today?
so do you like my new blog?? i was gunna change the pics and add more, but im not using my account, so i gotta wait till tomorrow.justice...do u like the black,red,and white? hehe nice huh? well ima change the pics tomorrow or somthin, but yup. not much to really say here. peac3

good news-ish

well all the problems i talked about last time are still there, but im kinda good with it now. its still sorta eating me up inside, but watevs (for right now) any way...guess who i was talking to last night...yup, johnny. we were talking on and off for about two hours. and i have come to the conclusion...i think he might like me. it's just the way he talks to me. cuz i said hey and hes said hey! :) and then he asked me how ive been, not wats up, he said something along the lines of so how have u been doing?? yup then he started confiding in me again, like when i had texting. it was nice, it's kind of nice to have peole do that. then he said thank you for making me feel better. then he said he gets mad cuz he cant express his feelings and i said u should find someone to talk to and he said i cant talk to you right? and i said yea and he said thanks :) then i told him i played guitar a little bit and he said thats super beast....yup, thats it, its just the way he talks to me makes me think he might. oh i didnt say this last time, cj and i had a nice long converstion...alot of it was about me liking johnny...it was interesting. yup yup, well justice, thanks fer ditching me on messenger...youre so nice

grilled or fried?

wow...i'm such a chicken. there are so many thing i wanna ask johnny and talk about, but i can't. i just...i dunno. i want to know, but im so unconfrontational when it comes to this stuff. i called a guy a fucking ass hole and now i cant even...UGH!!! why is this so difficult. and i feel really bad for going thru doan. i feel like i'm being annoying and i probably am. sorry doan. well...i don't know what to do. i really wanna know tho. i keep telling myself im not afraid of rejection...but why cant i bring myself to talk to him about any of it. i didnt even talk to him about the "plan". school is over in, like 30 days, so its not like anything is gunna happen, but...maybe a chance at finality would be nice? i dont even really care which way it goes, just...something. well...i guess i'm either gunna have to get over it...what ever "it" is, or i'll just never know...for sure really. ppl (cj, doan thats not really alot, but watevs) are tellin me he likes me, but i cant bring myself to belive. i want to, really i do, i just cant. there is something inside of me that is keeping that part of me from telling him anything or talking to him about any of it. ughness. life is so difficult right now. i dont want this life. sure theres some great things, but right now, the negative dwarfs it. i dont wanna die. i just don't want this life. if i could pick and choose my life, thatd be nice. i wouldnt make it perfect. but itd sure be a hell of a lot better. for now i guess im just gunna have to focus on the good things to get me thru this. thats my friends, my mom(the stuff i can tell her) and my music. u guys help me alot thanks so much. i can do this...thirty some days left and i'll be FREE! unless something happens and i dont wanna be free...no, STOP! i gotta stop doin this. trying to be at peac3

i was bored

Why are you blind,
To the pain that is inside?
It is your fault,
For why my heart is a vault

It is killing me inside,
The games and the lies.
You are not really perfect,
For you will never see your true effect.

For some reason though,
Everything is erased when I look at your photo.
You are making me blind,
But…I don’t think that I mind.

goats!!!

hehe...ooh. look at the goats.
omgeezness!!! there were goats in the friken parking lot of toys r us. hehe. me and j-dog got soooo excited!!!! but doan wasnt there...she just kept walkin. just keep walkin doan!!! just keep walkin!!! u didnt experience the awesomeness of the...GOATS!!! yee-ah. but i couldnt hold i straight cuz i was laughing to much. and we were also like 200 ft. away. awesome zoom isnt it?? say it. u kno it is.

i thought about it. i do enjoy being close with johnny, but i dont wanna be used. yahoo answers(lolz) says he still likes marissa and i think so too, so i dont wanna be the middle man anymore. i thought about sayin this...any comments??

I don't wanna do the plan anymore. sorry, but I kinda feel like I'm being used. Besides me and Marissa are cool again, and i like it better that way. And it seems like you still like her, if you do why don't you just tell her, no doubt she still likes you too.

i just...i dunno anymore. doan, have u talked to him lately?? maybe u could just ask him if he still like her. i would do it, really i would, but i dont have a phone, hes never on myspace when im on, and i cant do it during class. ughness. watever. no peac3 here.

Oh Em Geezness!!!

Long time no write!!! Well its not like theres much to write about anyway....well theres one thing but I dont think u wanna hear me rant about that :D Uhm lifes pretty good. I got my friends so I'm pretty much set. The AP test is on thur. HOLY SHIT!!! THE AP TEST IS ON THURSDAY!!!! FUUUUUUUCK!!! JCLC was awesome. soooo going next year. wow this is really boring. ok I give. the big thing is that Johnny broke up with his GF so now our(mostly his) "plan" is back on. It was his idea and I know its stupid but I dont think i ever really got over him and it's kinda just a chance for me to get close to him again. Doan says he likes me cuz no guy would put so much effort into making a girl jealous and she says I'm the "rebound" girl kinda just that he always keeps coming back to me. I accept her theories, but there still isn't enough evidence to prove it indefinately. so i still think he doesnt like me. i dont think hes doin it to make marissa jealous, no thats just stupid, but i dont think hes doin it cuz he likes me. i cant figure out why hes doin it, but watevs. uhm wat else?? oh im still not happy bout cj (sorry doan) just like his restrictions are really stupid. hes a nice guy and all, just way to insecure and jealous.
this is when me doan and justice went to the mall. then we got in trouble from the mall cop. lolz ok i got nuthin else to say peac3